Part of a story, would you read the rest?

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kreepyklub
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 3:03 am

Part of a story, would you read the rest?

Post by kreepyklub » Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:42 pm

I woke up to the sound of a loud train engine. I felt very lethargic the day before and now very groggy. I stayed up in my room not wanting to fall asleep. There was a reason to be awake, I just didn't know what it was yet. To keep my mind from reeling I thought of where that train might be going. To the next city, next state, or next station. My mother put me to bed only a couple hours ago, but I stayed wide eyed, waiting. I dozed off eventually from exhaustion. Now, being awake, I was scared.
Longing to hear my mothers calming voice I decided to go get her. I got up and peeked through the key hole of my door. Everything seemed normal. I waited to think about what part of the house she would be in. I peeked again and saw a light, which meant she was in the living room. Instead of walking out unprotected I went to my closet and put on a jacket, pants, socks, and a pulled on the hood from my jacket. My mind was now reeling, I couldn't stop it from happening. Anything could be on the other side of that door.


welcome to the kreepy klub...

Kyrathekiller05
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2018 3:10 pm

Part of a story, would you read the rest?

Post by Kyrathekiller05 » Wed Jul 18, 2018 3:22 pm

Yea
Nobody dies a virgin,life fucks us all🌹

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Salem_J_Poe
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2018 3:17 am
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Part of a story, would you read the rest?

Post by Salem_J_Poe » Sat Nov 10, 2018 2:16 pm

kreepyklub wrote:
Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:42 pm
To the next city, next state, or the next station
This isn't a big deal, but maybe word it like this:

: The next station, next city, or maybe even the next state :

I'm not a pro writer or anything, so take this advice with a grain of salt. But the sentence I believe needs to show progression. So shortest to longest distance. I'm of course assuming that the distance between stations is shorter than city to city, or state to state. Hope this helps, and yeah if you do it right, I'm positive people will love it.

Keep writing!
If you like fxxked up stories then I invite you to view my blog!
My catalog is very limited at the moment, but please enjoy what I have so far.

https://thesalemlibrary.blogspot.com/

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